Dillon Cail

 In each of us is the power to change... and the power to change the world.  Did you know that something as small as feeding a hungry man or  helping an elderly lady across the street could have a HUGE impact on someone?  People are witness to many of the things we do in our lives.  There is already so much bad in this world since, well, doing the wrong thing is usually much easier than doing the right thing.  Being honest even if it means others will be upset with me, avoiding negative comments about others, staying positive, helping and caring for others and listening... but do not do it so others will think more highly of you; that would only end in disappointment.  

The more good you do in the world, the more attention you will draw.  There are some people who will try to tear you down in any way they can.  And if they are successful, they will take great joy in destroying your reputation and your happiness.  Pay no attention to such people, if possible, as they are not worth the space in your brain that could be better spent focusing on good people and good things in life.  If you get upset, stay angry for no more than a day and then move on.  If you are still bothered after a day, use the next day to reflect.  Most important is to not do anything you might regret later on.  It is not always easy, I know... let me tell you a story.

I am the 5th of 7 children.  When I was a child, I was physically abused by my father, frequently- we all were.  At that time- like most children- I loved my father and wanted to be like him when I grew up.  And unlike most children, I feared for my life and my siblings lives many times.  As a punishment, I remember being told to do a handstand on top of a tall dresser when I was 4 years old.  Of course, I fell off and landed on my head because I did not know how to do a hand stand at that age.  Immediately, I was pulled back up by my hair and forced to try again.  By God's grace, I was able to do the handstand on my next attempt and from then on.  There was a time I drew a picture of me and my father holding hands and the Sun shining.  I went to show him but was immediately kicked in my neck and sent flying into the wall- I forgot it was a rule to never stand between my father and the television.  I watched my father push my older brother's head down in the pool in anger until my brother finally stopped moving after some time.  When he pulled him out, his face was pale and I thought he was dead.  I was beaten many times for stepping in to protect my mother from him.  I did not hate my father; in fact I loved him very much.  More than anything, I wanted him to love me like I loved him.  As I grew older, I realized more and more that he was not what I needed in a father and represented mostly things I did not want to be now that I was a father.  Eventually I left him behind so that I could continue to move forward in life; I still love him.

When I was 8 years old, my mother left my father because she was afraid for our safety.  She had no money and no job.  She found a boyfriend not long after leaving, and I was very upset by it.  I was very hopeful as a child that my parents would get back together and when she became serious with this man, reality sunk in.  I did not want to be afraid, but I really was very very sad and confused for many years that my family could not all be together like the old days.  I never told anyone (not even my wife) how sad and upset I was.  Over the years, I felt my new step father (who is a good man) did not like me and at 12, I moved back in with my father.  He was no longer a physically abusive man, because Child Protective had been involved and I think it made him be more careful.  I stayed with my father and loyal to my father until around the age of 19 or 20.

I was very short.  I was not even on the charts and for a couple of years it seemed I was not even growing.  My younger sister passed by me and used to tease me and humiliate me.  But I was also picked on in school about my height.  People liked me in school, but kids do not understand the pain that some of their jokes can cause.  The doctors said I would grow to about 5'2" unless I tried an experimental drug, Nutropin.  My mother was more afraid than I was because none of the other patients on the drug looked normal.  They did not grow proportionately, and I would have rather been short.  But we tried it anyway and ended up being their "Poster Boy" because I grew at an amazing speed and with no defects or problems.  The drug provided me with growth hormones that my body was supposed to have but was not producing because of an imbalance.  They suggested this was probably caused by severe emotional stress or some sort of mental trauma.

One day I met a girl, who I originally had no interest in.  But she was very into me, and it did not take me long to pick up on that.  The day after I graduated high school, we began dating and I fell in love not long after.  As time passed, she was increasingly unkind and it was very difficult to keep her in a happy mood.  I loved her so much that I can very rarely remember being angry at her while we were dating.  More than anything, I tried to do everything I could to make her happy.  Then after maybe a year of dating, I fell during a basketball game and hit my head.  I suffered a concussion and my memory was sporadic for the next few days- like their was a loose connection or something.  She thought I was faking my concussion and ended up breaking up with me.  I was desperate to get her back (I thought I was going to marry her) but she would not pick up the phone or return my e-mails.  Finally she responded to an e-mail saying she would call the police if I tried to contact her in any way again.  It seemed clear at that point she was not throwing one of her usual tantrums and was quite serious.  

For the next month, my brain acted in very unusual ways.  Sometimes I would be devastated that I had lost the girl of my dreams, and other times our relationship would seem like a very distant memory (one in which I paid little thought to).  My balance became terrible and I found myself tripping or being pushed over quite easily.  Probably most notable was my over-exaggerated emotional states.  I remember crying nearly every day for a month (and I am not a person who cries frequently).  It did not matter if it was in public or private- I had no control over my emotions.  I remember one time bursting out into laughter for no apparent reason.  Someone next to me asked why I was laughing, and I responded with "I don't know," and then immediately burst into tears.  It was quite comical, I am sure.

Being single again was good in some ways.  I used the opportunity to catch up with an old female friend from school.  She brought her older sister with her, and as it turned out she was very interested in me.  I picked up on it and shortly after, we began dating.  But after finding out I had a new girlfriend, my old girlfriend decided she wanted me back.  Because I was in love with her, I apologized to my new girlfriend (of only a week) and broke up to return to the one I wanted to marry.  But... my new girlfriend was heartbroken and cried.  She was such a kind and sweet girl, and I made her cry.  I did not know what to do.  I told her not to worry and I would figure it out (stupid).  I could not figure it out.  On one hand, I had the girl who I had a long history with and was madly in love with, and on the other hand I had the girl who was the most angelic and kind girl I had ever met and she took good care of me.  For some months it was very messy and I know both girls became very upset with me in this time because I could not choose.  I felt as if I had two girlfriends at the same time and could not forgive myself for it.  Even at the time, I used to hit my head against my steering wheel and say "You idiot Dillon, it is a simple choice!  Why don't you just choose one?!"  Easier said than done.  Really I now had deep feelings for both of them and did not want to lose either one, and I knew choosing one meant losing the other.  I even asked at one point if maybe I could choose neither one but instead continue to have their friendship.  I did not feel worthy to marry either one at that point, but did not want to lose contact with them.  Of course they both denied, because neither had an interest in friendship with me.  They wanted a relationship or nothing at all.  This would be equivalent to having to choose today between one of my kids.  I wanted to die.

Eventually, I chose simply to choose.  I wanted them both in my life so badly, and could have chosen either one but chose my first girlfriend that I had a long history with.  The other girl found a new boyfriend very shortly after, to help her move on.  But as I found out the next day after choosing, the girl never wanted me back.  She told me it was only a competition to see if she could get me back.  That was the first and only time I ever yelled and cursed at her, but I do not regret it.  I was trying so hard for so long not to break either girls' hearts, but it was just a game to her.  I walked out and was left with neither girl (which is what I deserved anyway).  Even if I deserved it, the pain was great.  For the next month, I could not stop thinking about either of them and every second felt like an hour.  But the other girl broke up with her boyfriend after a month and wanted me back, so I got very lucky!  I ended up marrying this woman :)

The beginning years of our marriage were VERY difficult.  She did not trust me and listened to very bad advice her family was telling her about me.  Her family did not like me, even after we were married.  Her family was not kind to her, and I confronted them about that one day.  And from that day on, there was tension between them and I.  They manipulated her into not trusting me and believing I was some monster.  They tricked her into thinking she needed to destroy me before I destroyed her, all the while while I was trying to save our marriage.  I watched in horror as lies were spread about me to all my friends and family.  Eventually the cops were being called and false reports were being written of things I never did.  Finally, I was issued a restraining order and kicked out of my house.  I was not allowed to see my children.  After going back to court to defend myself, I knew I was guilty the moment I stepped into the courtroom.  The judge had a look on her face like she wanted to kill me and I had not even spoken a word yet.  Even though my wife felt terribly about what had happened and was trying to make it right by telling the judge I never hit her,the judge said she was lying to protect me and said some very nasty things about me in front of the courtroom.  I begged the judge to only let me see my children again; I did not need to be around my wife or to live in my house.  She said no, and when I said, "Please" she asked, "How does it feel to have someone bigger than you push you around?"  I went two months without being allowed around my children, except for one occasion where a supervisor was present.  I live for my kids, so that was VERY hard for me.

After returning home, my wife never called the police or issued a restraining order on me again- I think she really felt badly about it and that things got out of hand.  I realized by that point that my wife was really still the sweet angel I had met years ago, but that she was constantly being influenced by her family.  I wanted desperately to force her to stay away from them, but wanted Becket to come to that decision on her own, not have it forced on her.  Her parents by this point had tricked us through paperwork out of a house that was given to us.  They later sold it for a little over $80,000.   They had kidnapped and denied me access to my children, and tried the same on other occasions.  They yelled at me and called me names, they lied to me about things I myself did, trying to convince me I did something I did not do.  I did not want to hurt these people, rather I very much wanted to get away from them and get my children away from them.   And this is where I finally put my foot down with Becket, despite still having not forgiven myself for not choosing her immediately over the other girl and saving her from months of the pain that would follow.

I would not let Becket bring the children to see her parents.   I was able to get her to agree by making a deal with her, "If your parents apologize for keeping me from my own children and promise not to do it again, you can bring the kids to see them."  At first my wife did not like the idea, suggesting it felt like I was asking them to bow down and kiss my feet.  I responded by saying how much I did not want them to see my children but would even so allow it if they would only apologize- and words are cheap.  I then told her that her parents would not apologize because their pride meant more to them than seeing the children and that I would show her through this who her family really is.  My wife accepted the challenge, believing in her family.  They never apologized, even though my wife at some points begged them to in tears over the phone.  Her family's hate for me was stronger than their love for their only grandchildren of the time, and even for their own daughter.  My wife's family eventually disowned her for standing by her husband, and for some months my wife was very angry with me.  She felt if she had never met me, her family would still love her.

I knew how hard this was for her and was so happy she was standing by me this time- I was not about to let her down.  I took on all of her anger and responded with all of the kindness inside of me.  I did not love her anymore after all I had been through, but I did care for her.  Even when it seemed she absolutely hated my guts, I knew she would never let me leave from past experience.  So I decided I would stay with her forever and do everything I could to give her a good life.   But even while Becket took her anger out on me I could see how much pain she was in and it affected me.   I fell in love with her again and made it my mission in life to help her overcome the pain of her family leaving her behind (after all, if she had stood by her family rather than me, it would not have happened).  All of her acts of hatred were responded to with acts of love, and likewise all of my acts of love were responded to with acts of hatred.  After about 5 months of this, it was weighing heavily on my heart and I had to make a decision:  would I leave this woman or stay by her side forever no matter what?  Again I remembered how she waited for me while I basically had two girlfriends, and the promise I made at the end that she could treat me like dirt until the end of time and I would still be hers.  Of course, in our wedding vows, I again promised to love her forever, for better or worse.  Last (and perhaps most importantly), I did have children with her and was always wondering what would be best for them.  And so I had made my decision that I would stay with her no matter what.  With this in mind and a lot of emotional pain inside myself and for Becket's happiness, I wrote her a song. The song was to let her know that I could feel her pain and I would always be here as a shoulder for her to lean on and a guide to move forward.  While hearing it she began to cry and then after, she gave me a hug and apologized for everything.  That was the beginning of when things began to change for us and now it has been a few years since then and we have a very healthy and loving relationship.  Today, I am a very happy person.  I'm far from perfect- I still make my fair share of mistakes just like I did in the past.  But I try the best I can to be the best I can ;)

We all have a story; this was mine.  Most of us will go through at least one difficult trial in our lives.  The point of all of this is to say that if each of us can try to be kind and make the right decisions even if they are difficult... we can bring a good change.  Every decision I made (right or wrong) gives me wisdom and makes me a stronger person.   Even if others try to tear me down, if I continue to try my best, everyone will eventually see that and everything will work out in the end.  For me, my painful experiences have been a blessing.  Through it, I was able to see clearly who cared about me and who was happy to see me in pain.  I was able to see clearly who believed the best in me, and who believed the worst in me.  I was able to find the bad and remove it from my life, and able to bring happiness into my wife's heart.   I was able to change my life, my wife's and even my childrens' futures for the better, all because I tried my best and did not give up.   And through my situation I am better equipped to (and have) helped others through their problems.  I still have many more years to live and many more people to meet... I will continue to do my best to leave a positive impact in all things that I do- and I believe I can make a difference.  I see a lot of people that think a single person is insignificant and can't change the world.  ALL of us have an impact on many lives in some way.   I could have been twisted by the pain of my trials in life, and I could have used my impact to return the pain and hatred.  But for me personally, my goal is to make it so I am never the reason anyone should feel the way I have felt.  When you are the reason someone else is smiling, it is an extremely rewarding feeling.  Even if some people dislike me for it- even if nothing I ever did were to help change anyone's life in a positive way, I want to die knowing I tried.  I want you to follow me in my quest to bring more good into this world.  I think many would be amazed to know how much of a difference one solitary life can make through the years.  

I can change this world, one person at a time... and so can you.

Becket has a birthday coming up on October 5 (this Saturday).  She is really an amazing person.  She does not brag about herself but she does so much stuff for friends, family and strangers without ever taking credit.  She always is giving food to other countries and buying Christmas gifts for strangers who can not afford their own.  She is there to help a friend when ever she can and doesn't put people down.   She tries to be positive and kind where ever she is and I just feel so lucky to have her.    You might not know it, but Becket has endured through some harsh life trials that were thrown her way.   Even so, she never complains about past hardships really she just shines where ever she goes.   I am hoping you will help me make her feel special on her birthday.

Below is a link where you can comment on the post and write something nice to her.  Write anything that comes to mind: you can write a whole page or simply a sentence and if you wanted you could even write a short, "Happy birthday Becket!"  Knowing her, it would probably mean the world just to see you were thinking of her on her Birthday.  

Thank you so much in advance, you can write it any time before her birthday (10/05) since she won't see it until then.   Here is the link, have fun with it :D

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